Mentoring within the Radical Lesbian Feminist Community
Introduction
For as long as we have been able to identify each other Lesbian Separatists and Radical Lesbian Feminists have come together to talk, question, and bring critical analysis to bear upon a myriad of topics. With the advent of the internet and email this has become even more possible. One forum that has come into being from this technological advance has been the Dykefeminism discussion list. This list was started in 1998 and has just passed its 9th year in existence. In that time many discussions or “threads” as they are known have come and gone. Although more than 80 members are subscribed to the list a core of about 10-20 Lesbians has held the energy and generated the bulk of the discussions. Recently this core group has given thoughtful consideration to submitting some of our discussions to various Lesbian Feminist and Lesbian Separatist journals for publication. This is the first of that consideration, now a reality. One must not expect the writings that list members have submitted to follow the conventional format of writing that has often been attributed to feminists. Rather these writings resemble a more real-time conversation. Each of us contributing not only put forth our own thoughts, experiences, and opinions, but was able to quickly respond to each other’s. It is important to keep in mind that threads of conversation often weave into each other and so although appearing abrupt in their beginning and ending here, they continued onto other topics within the list format.
The topic of mentoring is an important undercurrent of activism. How a Lesbian is informed of the world, its injustices and its triumphs over oppression will greatly influence the choices she makes whether to become an activist and to which causes she will devote herself. As this discussion illustrates, mentoring can come in many forms and is often reciprocal. It can be the individual or groups of Lesbians who impart something that keeps us going or helps us slow down and take a long look. No matter the who, the how, or the where, it is an important consideration for these times as it appears our very existences as Lesbians teeters on a precipice. Because of this we need to reflect on how and if we were mentored by other Lesbians and how we now must reach out to the next generations and impart what we have learned, are learning, and have yet to learn.
For the Contributors: Geminiwalker, Shannon, Sheila Anne, Sheryl, Tamara, and Kim, The Dykefeminism Moderator
*********************************************************OK, I'm still obsessing on the issues of age and changes in our community. So my question now is related to some of the things that have caused the changes we discussed specifically therapy, spirituality, and 12-step programs. I see how some of these things add nuances that were not previously there, at least for me. I think that as we age and have different life experiences and different people experiences, things aren't as simple as they used to be. Before we knew what was good and what was bad. It doesn't seem so cut-and-dried anymore. And I find it harder for us to be as radical as we were because of that. There is always the "on the other hand..." I think we've seen some of that on this list, and in that discussion. It's harder to discount other womyn's experiences.
Sheryl
***********************************************************Hey Sheryl I came out in 1988 (I was 21). By then therapy, 12-step, programs, and new-age spirituality were riding high. I'm recalling the dykes who were my mentors were very involved with radical lesbian stuff in the 70's. At the time I knew them they were running a new-age book and crystal shop. They also kept some connection to their radical roots, selling Sinister Wisdom and off our backs. However, I think you're on to something about the way the infiltration of such things can water down the radical feminist or lesbian separatist stance.
Now here's the "on the other hand" part (I was influenced by those other 3 things after all). Some dykes would not be here today if they had not found some solace in these things. I want to make clear I'm not denying the importance of continuing to question all these things and to keep pushing a radical lesbian feminist paradigm. Of course I long for a time when things seem clear and I can say "this is good, this is bad." I'm not sure if it is possible to do that, or if it was that easy during the radical womyn's movement as it is often stated. I do know I benefited greatly from the work my sisters did before me and it is because of their work that I continue now. There are still some things that it is easy to point to and say this is good and this is bad. Any kind of violence is one of those and mostly I understand that many of the issues raised by radical dykes and their womyn allies are still the same issues. I do believe they have been depoliticised and turned into "personal issues" as opposed to social problems as a way to stall or dismiss them. I'm recalling the last Take Back the Night march that we had here. The committee that planned it did not tell everyone involved that they planned a "healing tree” that men and womyn could come and pin a paper to "release the anger and division - for the time of anger and rage needed to end." What?!!! Ok, healing is good, but hey womyn who experience this violence ought to have the room and encouragement to be angry. They have a right to considering the violation of their beings. This to me is a prime example of the way such thinking can discount a more radical and critical analysis.
Kim
***********************************************************Hi Kim, Thanks so much for responding. I came out in 1980, when I was 26. So I missed the 70s but still experienced the community we had, at least in the early and mid 80s. I kind of withdrew from things then after leaving my batterer.
Recently I read an article about changes taking place in our local "Chinatown" that really made me start wondering about how other subcultures are also being "watered down" by generational changes. I think younger people feel like the whole world is available to them and they're not interested in walling themselves off somewhere. We already know that young dykes are generally more interested in getting their books from chain stores and internet behemoths than womyn's bookstores, and so forth. When our local bookstore closed, they didn't blame the chain that opened a store across the street but instead said there was no need for womyn's bookstores now like there was in the 70s when they opened. But obviously the chains will only sell the latest best-sellers and they don't care about our culture. I use this as an example of a dying institution of our subculture (rather dead here in California). Whether it's young Chinese people not being interested in living or working in "Chinatown" or young dykes who never heard of Cris Williamson, I just think everything is sort of melting into one big mess that at least for those of us over the age of 30, makes us feel really isolated and lonely for our own people. I have a lot of identities, but Lesbian Feminist is on top of the list, and that's what I want and need to connect with in the world. I guess some younger dykes don't see it as a big issue because they may not have experienced homophobia in the same ways we have. But if they think there is "equality" in this world, for them as lesbians or womyn, well, that's where we wise crones know better!
Sheryl
************************************************************I am wanting and needing to have a strong lesbian community. It does feel isolating to see many younger dykes dismiss those of us who still have a strong feminist or separatist voice. It's like we are relics who ought to be resigned to some museum along with the suffragettes or womyn's rights activists, which to me is a bunch of bunk. I'm glad for those before me who paved the way, who continue to do the work and for those of us who came on later. I have hope though because some younger dykes do step up and carry it on as well. It will never be as it was, but we can do our best to keep ours and others' messages alive and out there.
Kim
***********************************************************It appears that most of you came out when I was just a kid, I am sure in some instances I am still a kid to you. I am a 26 year old lesbian feminist. I wanted to be part of this group because I struggle with the feminist community blatantly leaving out lesbians. I fight for equal rights because it is my legacy. Because of all the gay men and lesbians who fought during Stonewall, because of the womyn who fought for the right to vote and the right to choose. I may not know major pillars of the lesbian movement but I still fight. As far as "young dykes" I think that is partly to blame on the "older dykes." I didn't have a role model teaching me about our history. Our youth don't understand the fights that have come before so that they can have the rights they do. We should be teaching and mentoring these youth. The fight can't end. I have listened to many older lesbians discussing getting younger lesbians involved. But we should be reaching out to schools that have Gay Student Associations and the like. Writing them so that the advisors can help them learn that the freedom to be out wasn't always there. I think there is also a lack of feminism in the younger community because lesbians are typically left out of the feminist community, but there are the questions of how does feminism affect me as a lesbian? We have to address this. We should be banding together, teaching each other, embracing our differences.
Shannon
************************************************************Hi Shannon, I have been thinking about your post. One thing did come to mind about why younger and older dykes don't often find each other, especially in the activist world. Younger dykes have come up with many of the barriers about being a lesbian not so strongly in place as many other dykes before have had to face. I notice now a lot of the issues are named as "queer' and there is a lot of cooperation among LGBT. Many older dykes might feel that although addressing these issues is important (as speaking out against any oppression most certainly is) the unique voices of lesbians and our experiences has been rendered invisible. Some may feel that the queer movement has co-opted lesbian energy and taken the focus away from the unique issues lesbians face as females in a society that often sees us as second class citizens. Throw in racism, classism, and ableism (and all the other isms) and it becomes clear how treacherous the lesbian existence can be. Lesbian-only and womyn-only space was fought for with great tenacity. The loss of that, the blurring of it to the now familiar LGBT, seems to say that lesbians are not important, save for what they can do to help everyone else. So therein lies some of the barriers. What has been happening at Michigan is a good example of this and why it seems that the lesbians and womyn there are holding onto this oasis with such fierceness. I think also one could say the same about feminism that heterosexual womyn used to silence lesbians. This does not mean that there is no hope, but that it's important not to discount what lesbians did in helping to create the environment of opportunity that so may of us enjoy today. They did this at great personal risk and often were pushed out afterwards. No wonder there's hesitancy. Many are tired and worn from the long struggle. I know I am and I have not been at it as long as some. Like you, some might consider me just a “kid” at 39. What's my point? Well it's that a lot has happened and I think that younger dykes do need to seek out older dykes and older dykes need to do the same. We need to keep dyke-only and womyn-only space alive and thriving for this to happen.
In sisterhood,
Kim
***************************************************************Thanks to the older dykes on this list (and elsewhere) all anyone has to do to learn about our herstory and our matriarchal icons is to visit the public library. We could certainly use more websites about lesbian herstory (which younger dykes could certainly research and post); and then there is the Lesbian Herstory Archives. Watch the LOGO channel, or find someone who does. Find ways to have LOGO documentaries celebrated at whatever coffeehouse or dyke bar you are able to frequent because of older dykes. Don't leave it up to the schools. They've done enough damage already. And don't leave it up to the Girl Scouts. All their dykes are in the closet.
geminiwalker
************************************************************So many dykes have left written words for the next generations to find and link to. Unfortunately not all libraries and certainly not all bookstores make it easy to find these. I get very excited when rummaging in old bookshops to find a treasured book written by a dyke. However, I often know who to look for and can recognise many names. I was lucky. I had dyke mentors who helped pass this on when I was but a wide-eyed baby dyke. When I read Shannon's post I wondered if younger dykes are getting any such mentoring. It's tricky because many older dykes may not feel sought out. I'm in the middle, being a mere 39, but I notice a disconnect between dykes who were part of the groundbreaking womyn's movements (I consider these from the 60's through the 80's - not to discount any dykes along the way) and dykes who are now coming of age in the 2000s. Still I am grateful for all the dykes who fight oppression and invisibility. I certainly know that there are plenty of strong, radical, feminists and lesbian Separatists out there who will pass on to any younger dyke her wisdom. Indeed a mutual seeking must continue to occur.
In sisterhood,
Kim
************************************************************Hi all, (We're about the same age Kim, I'm 37.) Here's my two cents: I did not get 'mentored' by older dykes. I was abandoned by them - for my politics. I needed them too, because I was attacked and harassed - a petition went around Vancouver, to all the bars, to the lesbian centre, a few women's centres, calling me a nasty lesbian for my anti-SM position - it was signed, it was posted all over town - and no one stepped in to help me, change the situation or call those lesbians to account. I was 23 or 24 when this happened. It was radical feminist heterosexual women that saw me through the crisis and helped me stand my ground.
I should correct my first statement there - at 20, a lesbian gave me the Adrienne Rich article (Compulsory Heterosexuality) and this enabled the consciousness-raising so I could come out. She trained me to do rape crisis work and we worked together for a long time - but I don't think she was a mentor necessarily - we became friends and were equals very fast - and she didn't respond to the above mentioned crisis beyond telling me to hold on for the ride...
At about the same time I came into contact with feminist Wiccans, which was cool. But I had a fight about anti-racism with the lesbians in my circle and I was too young to figure out what was wrong with my own argument and how to be strategic in the struggle - I really wanted this spiritual community but I could not accept what they had done with Re-Claiming collective politics and also how White we were - there was no attempt to discuss spiritual practise with lesbians of colour and still we called down ancient goddesses of religions from Africa, Japan, South America - I knew in my gut this was wrong and I ended up causing a ruckus and getting kicked out before I was even a full member of the coven. Those lesbians still don't speak to me today. My old roommate participated in their community for some time and she informed me the coven is still all white women and that they still call down goddesses from cultures other than their own. I am regretful about all this, very sad actually.
I don't bring these up as battle scars or war wounds or even to necessarily trash those women now. I know the mistakes I made as a young dyke and I know how they continue to impact my connection to other dykes now.
On the point of finding herstory, I gotta say that I found out on my own - before you could google anything. And I am also a firm believer in making herstory too. I wish I had had access to very astute writing by the lesbians we now consider our leaders - I could have got my theory straight faster, for sure. But praxis is more important to me - I found the feminist arguments about SM after I entered the struggle - and I was regretful I couldn't be that eloquent yet - but I know that I did lead myself, from my own ideas and yes I personally paid the price for the weight of patriarchy on women's/lesbian's necks, but I am still standing and still leading. Maybe no one will read my collected written works and no one will know my activism but so what?? I did not decide to be an organizer for this reason. I organize and resist and act because it must be done.
The young dykes I know, who came to feminism early, like I did, are searching too. I think lesbians in their 20's are adults and are making their way and finding their place and will each and all come to place themselves in community and in activism in their own ways. It was difficult for me 15 years ago, it will be difficult for them now. Patriarchy kind of sucks that way. We are not free, but we work for it.
So all of that is to say this: We are all responsible for our own self-education. I faced class barriers and still found the herstory that sustains me. I am sometimes really sad about how lonely it was when I was 20-25 or so - but I take responsibility for my own actions that contributed, including that I spent too much time waiting for someone to come to me instead of searching out like minded lesbians myself.
Peace sisters
Tamara -lesbian in a dangerous time
***********************************************************I am so excited that this conversation is happening. I think that I mentioned that I ran the feminist group on my college campus last year. Feminism is strong on the campuses here in my town, especially within the lesbian community. The problem with college organizations is that there comes a problem when attempting to move these ideals out of academia. Most of my friends are political and we are involved in the community. But for most womyn around my age, it never goes farther than school. As for our legacy, it is still about teaching ourselves but sometimes it is hard to find where to look. The advisor for the feminist group on campus is great and is very inclusive of lesbians not only in the group but in the classroom. She is a Sociology professor and in my opinion one of the best teachers at the school. Not only is she working to get a womyn's studies program implemented (it is only a junior college) but she is creating a LGBT focused class. She is a heterosexual womin, a mentor and a significant part of my life. It is because of her that I still have faith in the feminist movement. Our legacy is taught not only by lesbians. I'm rambling. Thank you all for this topic.
Shannon
*************************************************************Hi Shannon, Thanks for writing. It is nice to hear a new voice on this list since it seems to be just a few of us doing most of the talking but I guess many others are listening. It's true that we need to be mentoring each other but I'm wondering if you are looking in the right places. I hear you saying that you are involved in feminist issues but looking for lesbians. Have you considered getting involved in LESBIAN organizations? Certainly there are archives, as geminiwalker mentioned, all over the world. I did a Google search for "Lesbian archives" and got 40,800 hits. I don't know where you are located but there are local, regional, and national Lesbian organizations all over the country that could benefit from your participation and energy. The need is so great. You can pick whatever issues you want to focus on within the Lesbian feminist community and get your needs for involvement met. If you want to work on co-sexual issues, the choices are even greater. There are L/G organizations, centers, publications, social groups, political groups, foundations, pride events, business groups, and on and on -- loads of them, even in rural areas -- and they could all use more people. You can find them online or where you live. Have you checked out GLSEN? This might help you feel more included than looking for straight feminist groups to include you as a Lesbian. I encourage you to explore what is available and guarantee that your participation in these groups will be welcomed and needed.
I once belonged to a local dyke mentoring group where womyn were paired up based on the particular skills or interests they sought or had to share. I don't know if something like this has to necessarily be age-based. Is there any interest among the womyn on this list for some electronic version of mentoring?
Sheryl
************************************************************I have been thinking about this topic of mentoring. When I first came out I did not know of any "others" or that I was part of any thing. I knew what I was missing, the electricity I felt with my young woman friend in high school. So I knew that I was looking for something that was not clearly visible to me. I rummaged though newspapers around Boston. And found a listing for "Women's Bars". I was not really sure as to what was being talked about, but found an address and decided to check it out on the following Saturday night. This is how I met the Dykes who ran The Saints. Merry, Merrideth, Donna, and Sandy. These Dykes looked out for me which was good as I did not know yet if I was for sure a Lesbian until I had my first kiss. I wrote about this in the anthology, "Finding the Lesbians" edited by Julia Penelope in 1990 and published by the Crossing Press. I really lucked out the first time I met other Lesbians. It was a wimmin-only Separatist bar which completely formed my identity. From there I went on to discover Feminism at the group Lesbian Liberation that met on Thursdays at the Cambridge Woman’s Center. It was all very new to me. I met my first Separatist there, Rose, who blew my mind. It took me some time before I could call myself a Separatist. I did not want to erect any barriers but at a protest rally against the cruise missiles being deployed to Europe I was certain that women did things much differently than men. That was the August 1st demo in 1993 and I have claimed myself to be Sep from that day forward. I hope that it is ok for me to share these stories.
Sheila Anne
************************************************************I have been thinking about mentoring some more. Mostly in reflecting back to my own experience of being mentored by dykes. I wondered how much of it was conscious; do you know what I mean? I guess for me I was young and eager to absorb any information these dykes were willing to share. I wonder if for them they understood the impact they were having. I can only guess they might have, but really don't know.
In considering how I may have passed on my own knowledge of dyke culture to other dykes, be they younger or not (say as in just coming out) I have not always been conscious of the impact that can have. However, as I become more mindful in general I find that any mentoring role I have (either side that is) I have a much deeper awareness of it.
On another note I have been trying to get in touch with some of those dykes who I felt mentored me. It's funny I am about the same age they were when I first met them. I guess I'm wanting to tell them how important they were and to share how I took the little nudges they gave me, ran with it, and am now the dyke I am today.
Kim